I offer my contact information in each of my over 50 books and more than a thousand weekly Winners’ Wisdom columns—including the one you’re reading right now. With millions of books in print and countless people around the world reading this column each week in newspapers, magazines, and online publications, you can imagine that we have a lot of people who reach out to us.   Besides people’s kind and encouraging comments about my writing, which I always appreciate, the most common topics people ask about are financial independence, physical fitness, and having great personal relationships. In these three areas, as in most things in life, we all have more than enough information and knowledge to be successful already. We don’t fail because we don’t know what to do ; we fail because we don’t do what we know.   Within each of these three vital areas of our lives, there are simple principles and equations that can bring us success. Please note I said “simple,” not “easy.” It’s very simple to tell someone how to complete a marathon. You just run a little over 26 miles until you get to the finish line. It’s incredibly simple, but anyone who has completed a marathon will assure you it’s not easy.   To be financially independent, you must spend less than you earn and put the excess funds to work for you. All wealth is built using this simple equation. It’s not complicated, but it’s never easy. To become physically fit, you must burn more calories than you eat while building muscle. Virtually all of us have known how to do this for years, but we’ve put very little time, effort, and energy into doing it.   Having a great relationship involves being willing to give more than you receive. It is a matter of being committed to reaching out more than halfway to connect with your significant other. While most people think it’s a matter of finding the right person, reality tells us it’s a matter of being the right person.   My late, great friend and colleague Brian Klemmer wrote a book entitled If How-To’s Were Enough, We Would All Be Skinny, Rich & Happy . It was a gift to be able to work with Brian during his life, and today ,  I am privileged to be able to continue building upon his legacy through my work with Klemmer & Associates. As Brian’s book title implies, if you want to change your life, you need to look beyond the current fads and magic pills , go back to the time-tested equations you already know ,  and revisit them with a new attitude, commitment, and mindset.    As you go through your day today, focus on doing more with what you already know.

Have you ever just hoped that your life would become normal? That your world would be stable? Have you heard the story of Socrates and Plato? If not, here is an overview: Socrates taught Plato that everything fits into one of three stages. Everything begins at a point of energy from which it expands or grows. This is followed by a period where nothing changes, and finally, it shrinks back to the original point of energy where it began. The first stage is growth, the second is stability and the third is decay. Plato listened politely and then went off by himself to mull over what he had just heard. Walking along the beach, Plato picked up a piece of driftwood to examine it. He concluded that there aren't three stages in life; there are only two. Plato believed that everything is either growing or decaying and that there is no such thing as stability. The piece of wood was undergoing a slow decay on the beach, but he could speed that up by burning it. He could slow it down by shielding it from the elements. No, there is no such thing as stability. Everything is either in slow growth, fast growth, slow decay or fast decay. So if stability doesn't exist, what would you want for your marriage or your family? If everything is in growth or decay, could the illusion of stability mean the slow erosion of those things that you love most? How do you keep yourself on the growth side of this cycle? Recognize which state you are in. In order to change your position you have to first know where you are. If you have classified yourself in decay you can ask the question, "How do start my slow growth?" If you are in slow growth you can ask, "How do I get myself in fast growth?" How do you view change? Do you grasp for the past? Or do you look for the possibility in the midst of the experience? Your view on change will directly relate to where you are in the growth and decay cycle. For more insights on this topic, refer to Chapter Seven of Brian Klemmer's When Good Intentions Run Smack into Reality .

There are two ways to learn something; emotional involvement and repetition. At Klemmer and Associates we strive to create opportunities at our seminars where you can have an experience with emotional involvement to create a large amount of change in a short amount of time. Repetition is also an effective tool for change. Positive affirmations can be extremely effective. What do you tell yourself about you? Is your self-talk riddled with positive feedback, or overwhelmingly negative? What if you were to declare positive qualities about yourself, or a positive statement about who you are? Could that eventually shift the context of how you see yourself? State your declaration to yourself as many times a day as you can. Repeat it for five minutes in the shower every morning. Write it on an index card and stick it on the dashboard of your car. Post your statement in visible places where you will be reminded of how amazing you are. For some of you this could be one simple word. For others it could be a Bible verse that hits your heart. This week take the positive affirmation challenge.

Regular readers of this column in newspapers, magazines, or online publications around the world know that I believe in the wisdom that we become like the five people we hang around with most often. Our thoughts, beliefs, income, and success will mirror the individuals we invest our time with, so it is important to choose those we associate with carefully. Recently, I was speaking with a gentleman I admire and converse with regularly. He was describing the fact that there was frustration among some young people he knows as they felt like they were not progressing as quickly as their peers. It’s important to realize that the only person with whom we should compare our progress is ourselves. We should compare our achievements relative to where we have been and where we have determined to go throughout our lives and careers. The rise in social media has created much envy and discontent as we compare our reality to everyone else’s highlight reels. As my late, great friend and mentor, Coach John Wooden, often told his players, “The only areas in which we have control are our effort and our attitude.” During our discussion of young people being impatient with their perceived lack of progress, my colleague shared with me the parallels between people and popcorn. When we make popcorn, we pour raw popcorn kernels into oil or a hot air popper, as the case may be, and we wait for the individual kernels to pop. A few of them begin to pop very quickly, then the majority of the kernels pop together in a flurry of activity, and eventually the last few kernels pop just before our snack is ready to eat. We humans are much like the popcorn kernels. A few people have early success, then the vast majority of people begin to achieve, and finally, the stragglers begin to make their mark. I remember meeting with Willie Nelson as he laughingly described to me when he first started having some success on radio and with his recordings. The press described him as “an overnight sensation,” overlooking the fact that he had been struggling out on the road for almost 20 years. He may be most remembered for his song On the Road Again  in which he describes enjoying the struggle and the process. If Willie Nelson was an overnight success, his success certainly didn’t come over the first night or any other nights for almost two decades. We must be dedicated to the process and continue to work on our plan regardless of anyone else’s perceived success or how we might compare to it. As you go through your day today, stay focused on your effort, attitude, and goals, not everyone around you. Today’s the day!

What does it mean to truly live a life of possibility? Most people live in probability most of their lives. The difference between the two is breaking through a scarcity mindset and stepping into abundance. Easier said than done, right? Are you defined by your limitations? Could you be liberated by your dreams? Dream boards are an incredible tool for manifesting results in your life. Take a few hours to cut out pictures from magazines of what you desire for your future. You can even print pictures from the internet. Make a collage of all the things you cut out. Hang your Dream Board somewhere in your house. Another solution is to create a Pinterest board as a virtual dream board that you can share with your friends. Since your mind works in pictures, this Dream Board can be a way to remind your subconscious of your dreams and goals. Check back in a year and see how many amazing things you have accomplished.

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to  your own.” —Robert A. Heinlein  Whether you are in a new loving relationship or one that you have shared with a significant other for years, an important thing to consider is how to keep the romance alive. How do you make a relationship work over time? How do you keep the passion burning when challenges arise? How can you make it fun? And how can you make sure it lasts? It seems easy and natural to be romantic when the relationship is young. For many, however, romance wanes with time. Couples begin to take one another for granted, they get overwhelmed with the challenges of life, and romance can be put to the side. Relationships will often end because one or both parties say they “lost the passion.” They say they no longer love the other person. I believe, however, that relationships fall apart because of the beliefs or expectations one or both parties have around relationship and romance. My suggestion is that it is not the length of time that hinders romance in a relationship. Rather, it is how you define romance and the assumptions or expectations of what romance should be, based on your definition, that can hinder romance. Romance is a subjective concept. Each individual has his or her own idea of what romance is and what it should be. What one person believes is romantic can be very different from what his or her partner believes. And herein lies the problem. Differing viewpoints on what romance is often lead to disappointment and can create friction between couples. For me, romance isn’t an agenda. It isn’t manipulation. There’s no expectation. It isn’t about going through the motions. A candle-lit dinner with wine and flowers is nice. Many would consider that romantic, and it can be. However, romance doesn’t have to look like that. Romance can be anything you and your partner want it to be. Throughout my 25 years of being a facilitator and coach for Klemmer Leadership Training, I have worked with thousands of people who want more joy, fun, and romance in their relationships. Very often, they want the other person in the relationship to provide those things for them. And that is the problem. Building Wildly Romantic Long-Lasting Relationships requires your personal investment and commitment. How do you relate to your partner? How do you create value for your partner? What do you bring to that relationship in terms of fun and passion? How do you communicate with your loved one? How do you make it fun? What can your partner depend on you for? I have been married to my husband for 47 years. It has been a wonderful marriage. Don’t get me wrong. There have most certainly been some bumps in the road and mountains I got to climb. And yet, every day I feel blessed to be married to this incredible man. My husband and I don’t allow circumstances to determine what happens in our relationship. We know challenges will come and we also know our commitment to one another can always find a solution to the challenge. Whatever the challenge, I know I can bring compassion, strength, forgiveness, and courage to weather the storm. Romance is experienced when I come from that loving space of consideration for my husband. And he consistently demonstrates consideration and commitment to me. When our communication and our actions are initiated from that space, then it’s exciting, fun, and romantic. Coincidentally, when we each feel acknowledged and accepted; when we choose to be spontaneous and have fun together, we look forward to spending more time together. We are in sync with one another, committed to one another, and that is why the relationship lasts. In an effort to support and encourage those who want to build romantic relationships that last, I have created the Wildly Romantic Long Lasting Relationship Pod. I am confident that this course will provide opportunities to create more trust, openness, romance, and joy in your relationship. Let me address some of the questions you might have regarding this course. Who is this course for? The Wildly Romantic Long-Lasting Relationships Pod is for anyone who seeks to create or foster romance and longevity in their relationship. When should a person enroll in this Pod?  How soon do you want to experience more joy, trust, and closeness in your relationship? Today is a great time to enroll in this course. Whether you are seeking a romantic relationship or want to bring more joy and passion to your existing relationship, the Wildly Romantic Long Lasting Relationship Pod will provide opportunities for you to experience greater results right away. What can a person expect from this Pod?  The Wildly Romantic Long Lasting Relationship Pod provides opportunities for individuals and/or couples to explore their definitions of romance and consider new possibilities. It is an opportunity to take stock in your relationships, notice the messages you are sending, and give yourself permission to connect in more joyful and intimate ways. You will have opportunities to give, and notice that in giving, you receive. You’ll also have an opportunity to receive, and notice that in receiving, you are also giving. Who will be leading the Pod?  I (Diane) will be your online guide for the duration of this Pod. What is included in this Pod? The Wildly Romantic Long Lasting Relationships Pod consists of: 6 online sessions taking place once a week for 6 weeks on Zoom. Opportunities to explore your beliefs regarding relationship and romance through journaling. Challenges to create new opportunities for romance, applying new tools into your routine or daily life. Opportunities to celebrate your relationship through the use of photos, notes, cards, videos, and self-expression. I am confident that this practice will open new doors for you to have the Wildly Romantic Long Lasting Relationship you desire. There is no better time than now to embrace the opportunity to refresh, to renew, and to enjoy the moments you spend with the person you love the most. There is no better time than now to bring the best of yourself to your relationship. There is no better time than now to assure your partner you can be trusted, and that he/she can count on you. There is no better time than now to embrace the best that life has to offer. Enrollment for this pod is open now. www.klemmer.com/pods

One of my treasured friends and mentors, Dr. Denis Waitley, is among the greatest success authors and speakers of our time. He often describes a mythical, magical place he calls Someday Isle (Someday I’ll). Denis describes Someday Isle as a tropical paradise where the gentle waves lap up onto the golden sand, and the palm trees sway in the warm breeze. Someday Isle would be a paradise on earth except for one thing: nothing ever happens. Someday Isle is the place unsuccessful people go in their minds when they tell themselves and other people, “Someday, I’ll do…” Just like the island, someday never comes. Our lives are the accumulated total of the things we do, not the things we thought about doing, meant to do, wanted to do, or were going to do when we got time. Procrastination kills dreams, success, and goals. For years, I thought the ideal would be to do everything on time and when I had it scheduled. Then, I discovered pre-crastination. Expert sources tell me that there are over 300,000 words in the English language. Regular readers of these columns in newspapers, magazines, and online publications around the world, know that there are occasions when the supply of words in the English language is not sufficient for me, so I create a new word. Pre-crastination is the act of taking something we were going to do at a point in the future and doing it now. This column you are reading will be sent out to thousands of sources around the world in the normal weekly rotation we established when this Winners’ Wisdom column became syndicated. Even though my column goes out each week, I decided years ago to pre-crastinate. Therefore, these words were written approximately six months before you are reading them. Pre-crastination is a way to pay it forward to ourselves. When today’s schedule permits, I often pre-crastinate and do something I had slated to do days, weeks, or even months in the future. Pre-crastination will allow you to rarely, if ever, have to deal with deadlines. If you’ve ever been invited to attend a once-in-a-lifetime event in your personal or professional life, but found that you didn’t have time, you are not a victim of your current calendar as much as you have failed to pre-crastinate. Calendars and “to-do” lists exist to serve us. When we do not follow the minimal schedule we have set for ourselves, we have set ourselves up for failure. When we follow our own schedule, we are doing what is expected and can anticipate average or mediocre results. But, when we pre-crastinate, we are doing what the great author and thought-leader Napoleon Hill described as going the extra mile. If you will invest the best of your efforts in every minute, hour, and day of your life, your investment will pay off far beyond your wildest dreams. As you go through your day today, do everything you have scheduled, then pre-crastinate. Today’s the day!

Commitment is freedom. Most people see commitment as the opposite. Thus the reason many people are afraid of marriage, a steady relationship, or even giving the company they work for all they have to offer. People with this mindset are always looking for something better and searching for more while they settle forwhat they have. They see commitment as giving up what might be or could have been. They view commitment as a thing to avoid because it is best to "keep their options open." What they are doing when they do this is giving up the joy of life. They are giving up the freedom and the creativity that comes from commitment. When you commit you allow your mind the freedom to not worry or think about that aspect of your life. You increase the amount of your mind that can be used for creativity and moving your life forward. As the law of space and time displacement states, you can not have two things happening in the same place and time. When you think, "I will settle for this but not fully commit just in case something better comes up" that part of your mind and thinking is always searching for that next best thing and, by physical law, can not think about anything else. When you fully commit, to your career for example, you become focus minded. You remove the doubt within your mind focused on if you made the correct career choice. You focus on becoming better at your career. Your mindset switches and you begin to get more done in less time and to be promoted more quickly as a result. Why? Because you committed. Because you chose to free your mind and allow it to focus on something. You start to see ways of doing things that improve productivity, increase value for the customers, and you see the value in being a member of the company. No longer will you be of the mindset, employee against management but you as part of a team working toward a common goal. Commitment is where this new mindset begins. It is the same with your life. Many people go through life not committing to themselves. They let the world "happen to them" and they do not commit to improving yet settle with living each day hoping and wishing. They search for something better and dream that something resembling the life they say they want will just appear. It never will. Until you commit to improving your life you are committed to double mindedness and confusion. You are committed to being in the search for a better life and that is exactly where you will remain. Searching. Everyone is already fully committed. Every person on the planet is 100% committed to something. That is how they arrived at the life they have. That is how you achieved what you have achieved. The question is, how is that serving you? How is the level of commitment and what you are committed to serving you? Is it moving you toward the life you say you want or is it creating double mindedness and stagnation in your life? Look at your life with pure honesty and focus only on the results of the commitments you have. Then ask, "Is this the result I want?" If the answer is no, look at your commitments and decide where they need to be adjusted. Jim Rohn said, "Philosophy drive attitude." I go one step beyond that and state, Commitments drive philosophy. At the root of your philosophy lies your commitments and what you are committed to shapes your life and the lives of those around you. Thus, if you don't like your lifestyle look at your results. If you don't like your results look at your actions. If you don't like your actions look at your attitude. If you don't like your attitude look at your philosophy and if you don't like your philosophy look at your commitments. What is your philosophy of life because there in lies your true commitments? Is it improvement and betterment for you and your fellow man or is it one of complacency, lack, and victim? Are you committed to a career or settling for a job? Are you committed to being financially secure or to living check to check with a penny and a prayer? Change your commitments and you change your life.

Do you want to open up possibilities in your life? There are crucial differences between living out of possibility versus probability. Living from probability takes place when you look at what you are capable of and what you have done in the past. From this perspective, you calculate whether you think you can do something and whether you can get incremental, or minute, increases for your life. Living from possibility, on the other hand, is the experience of knowing that you can create incredible results or miracles in your life that have no relationship to what you've done before. When you live from possibility, your future is not tied to the mathematics of your previous experiences and how feasible it is to create something. Everyone has lived from possibility when they created something from nothing whether it was learning to ride a bike, falling in love, or writing a first book. In the case of writing a book, something inside said, "That's possible," when everyone around was saying, "I think you ought to get a nine-to-five job." There's an energy in possibility that's not evident in probability. How do you nurture possibility in your life? Take small steps toward your dreams all the time. Get outside of what you normally would do and be willing to be uncomfortable in new experiences. Be committed to and consistent with it; keep after it. Seeing progress from the steps you take — coupled with believing — creates results. In this sense, there's also a lot of surrender in possibility. This means doing the footwork you need to do, and then turning the rest over to God. You're not quite sure how it's going to happen, but that's not necessary. You only need to believe that it is going to happen. Another way to nurture possibility is to hang around with people who understand this way of life. If you're around people who inhabit the smaller, more calculated world of probability, it's possible to lose your vision or become discouraged. If you want your everyday experience to be, "WOW, this is really possible!" then practice the art of living from possibility. It's a huge, amazing space that creates an exciting and fulfilling life.

Anyone who has ever taken a long road trip or even a short road trip with a child, has no doubt repeatedly heard the question, “Are we there yet?”  While all road trips eventually come to an end, the question, “Are we there yet?” applies to all of us in our personal and professional lives.  The simple answer to that question is a resounding, “No, we‘re not there yet, and we never will be.”  Every goal, objective, or milestone in our lives feels like the end of something as if we are arriving at our final destination.  In reality, we are merely taking stock of where we are before we launch the next leg of our journey.  There are times in which our lives seem to be in utter chaos, nothing makes sense, and everything seems awkward and out of sync; but inevitably we eventually reach a milestone or achieve one of our goals. From that vantage point, we can mentally look back along the route we took to reach the plateau where we are now standing.  As we mentally review all the steps and challenges of our recent journey, we come to the inevitable conclusion that, while it may have seemed chaotic, the path we took was the only way to get from where we were to where we are. It is important to have short-term and mid-range goals as we are moving through our lives.  If all you have is a ten year plan with a long-term objective, it is hard to feel a sense of urgency as your goal is so far away you always feel as if you can start tomorrow or next week or next year.  On the other hand, if all you have are daily goals, it is too easy to get sidetracked for a day and feel as if you are completely off course.  A flat tire, head cold, or power outage can derail anyone’s daily plans.  We must have mid-range goals that seem lofty enough to inspire us while being short enough to give us a sense of urgency.  If, on the first day of grade school, the teacher had told your class that our goal is to get a master’s degree or a Ph.D., it would have been impossible for any first grader to even relate to the statement.  On the other hand, if, on the first day of school, you were told that the only thing that mattered was the math lesson you would be learning during the next 20 minutes, your entire educational goal could be derailed by a routine fire drill.  I have had the privilege of working with thousands of people in one-on-one sessions as they plan their goals.  There is no right or wrong answer as to how long your short-term, mid-range, and large goals should be.  Your feelings and attitudes are the barometer you should use.  You should be feeling urgency without feeling overwhelmed, and you should feel that your goals are aggressive while still feeling they are attainable. As you go through your day today, take control of your goals, and you will take control of your destiny. Today’s the day!

Right now we are in the full swing of summer. Trees are lush, flowers are in full bloom, and stores and farmer's markets are starting to burst with fresh produce. The tendency may be to focus on the product of summer, the fruit. But summer is a time of growth. If you garden, then you know that there's a lot that goes into growing vegetables and fruits such as tomatoes and raspberries. First comes the soil prep, then the planting of seeds or root stock, and thenthe continual watering, weeding, and pruning — not to mention the challenges like hailstorms and buggy pests. Plus, don't forget the waiting. Plants take time to grow and produce fruit. Tomatoes might not be ready to pick until late summer or early fall. And raspberries? Patience. Most likely that won't happen until next year. Isn't it often the same for the endeavors we undertake? We begin with a picture in our minds about how the realization of our goal is going to look, and maybe that's all we see. It's not until we actually begin tilling and fertilizing the soil, planting the seeds, and all the other gritty details involved, that we realize how much hard work harvesting our dreams is going to take. When we realize what we're in for, the temptation may be to let our quest shrivel up and die on the vine, especially when we experience challenges and failures we didn't see coming. Because we live in a society of instant food, movies on demand and high speed communication, we may expect instant gratification when it comes to our goals, too. How can we avoid giving up? First, be aware of the process involved in reaching goals. The journey – the soil prep, planting, watering, weeding and patience – is as important as the fruit that will come in the end. In fact, it makes the enjoyment of the fruit that much sweeter. When you aren't living only for the fruit at the end of the season, you can enjoy the process, especially when it's connected to your passion and purpose. Secondly, you are more apt to stick it out for the long haul if you have a beginner's mind. Brian Klemmer talks about this extensively in chapter 10 of his book,  The Compassionate Samurai . Your willingness to approach your subject continually with new eyes will insure growth and progress toward your goal. Thirdly, learn that there's nothing wrong with failure. In fact, compassionate samurai don't resist their failures; but use them to draw closer to their purpose. It takes practice and persistence to master a subject and especially at first, the learning curve is bound to be great. Failure is there to refine how you go about achieving your goals. It is there to redirect you and strengthen your character. For added inspiration, do an Internet search on famous failures. You might be surprised to find out you're in great company. The process of growth is natural to anyone who has a burning desire to achieve something. No matter what your goal, remember that if you want something instant, you can make pudding. What you want is greater than that.

Few things are more helpful in our quest for excellence than constructive feedback, and few things are more harmful than destructive feedback.  The difference between constructive and destructive feedback is simply the relevance, intent, and demeanor of the individual offering the feedback.   In our instantaneous, online, connected world, it is easy for anyone anywhere to give you feedback for any reason.  I often think that some of the harmful comments people make in social media are done using words that those individuals would never use in a face-to-face conversation.  Simply because constructive feedback is so valuable, and destructive feedback is so detrimental, we must learn to quickly separate the good from the bad so we can utilize positive feedback and flush everything else.   As someone who has written over 40 books, eight of which have been turned in to movies, regularly appears on national radio and TV, speaks at arena events, and has written over 1,000 of these columns over the last 20 years, I get a lot of feedback.  The vast majority of all the feedback I receive-in excess of 99 percent-is positive and encouraging, but the demeaning, destructive critics can be so vile and volatile that they almost demand attention.   We must learn to turn up the volume on the good, and turn down the volume on the bad.   When someone offers you a critique, you should first determine whether the critique is personal or professional.  Everyone who buys one of my books, a movie ticket, reads these columns, or sits in the audience of one of my arena events is entitled to their opinion and can freely share their thoughts with me.  If their opinion is valid and deals with my products or performance, they are providing me a great service, but if their opinion is directed at me personally, it can be harmful if not eliminated immediately. Once you have determined that the criticism is about your product or performance, you then need to honestly assess whether the criticism is valid.  Someone may have a genuine, heartfelt criticism that is well intended but misses the mark.  If this is the case, you must let it slide by as you focus on your positive feedback.  Unless feedback is totally vile or profane, I thank everyone who reaches out to me for sharing their thoughts and opinions.    If we are going to get better at what we do, there's no one more able to point us in the right direction than the people we serve.  They should have easy and open access to expressing their thoughts.  Those whose intentions are less positive or even destructive, need to have their volume turned down so we can ignore them.    As you go through your day today, treasure constructive feedback, and get rid of the rest. Today's the day!