Every moment is a choice and every choice has prices and benefits. So, what about the choices we go victim to on a regular basis? For most people, there are multiple areas in life where they would say they believe they aren’t choosing. Average people - not YOU - but average people, believe that feelings are not a choice but an instantaneous reaction. This month we suggest that you take a deep dive into the feelings and emotions that you are choosing that you might not recognize YOU ACTUALLY CHOSE. If any of the following pushes your buttons… GOOD!. This is the perfect place for you to do your own self-discovery. Hunt for sunglasses. You get to look at your life and decide for yourself what you want to believe. I choose to believe that I am not victim to my feelings or my emotions. Why? When I am at choice, I am in the driver's seat. When I take responsibility it is a choice which means I can also choose differently. When I choose differently, I experience my life differently. At Klemmer it is the suggestion that: Tired is a choice. Overwhelm is a choice. Being offended is a choice. Resistance is a choice. In the same way that: Joy is a choice. Commitment is a choice. Compassion is a choice. Forgiveness is a choice. Were there any of these “choices” that were listed above where your instant reaction was WHAT?! That isn’t a choice. That was a reaction. I’ll ask, who is in charge of your reactions? Who is in charge of your feelings and emotions? I’m not suggesting that you will not have an automatic response. The question is how long will you choose to stick with that automatic response? Because our subconscious is so much more powerful than our conscious mind, if we choose to believe that we are victim to our feelings we will begin to justify and defend how we feel. In this, because of our need to be right, we actually create more of a reason to recreate and regenerate more of those feelings and emotions. This works both ways. If you are choosing stories that do not serve you, and your heart or subconscious gets in alignment with those beliefs, you will create more of those feelings and emotions. When you switch the belief system and actively interrupt the pattern you will actually begin to create more moments that support the new thought process. You have the ability to choose every second of every day. That is the gift God gave you that no one can take away. What you choose creates the reality in which you live. What are the benefits you are receiving from the choices you are currently making? What are the prices you are paying for the choices you are currently making? Where can you shift your choices to get more of the long term effects you say you want in life?

Leaders are bold enough to interfere in other people's lives Do you remember studying the physicist Sir Isaac Newton in school? His first Law of Motion stated, "An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an outside force." Objects (and you and I are "objects") tend to keep on doing what they're doing. In fact, it's the natural tendency of objects and people to resist changes in their state of motion. This tendency to resist changes in their state of motion is described as "inertia." What has been the direction of your business? If your business continues on its current path for a year will you be happy? What has been the direction of your family life? Will you be satisfied if it maintains its current course for another year? Leaders are the force in other people's lives that alter the direction that life is taking. A positive leader interferes in other people's lives and causes them to do what they otherwise would not do toward what is important to them. That's service. If leaders interfere for their own purpose, then it's manipulation. You have to know what the other person wants in order to interfere and be of service. Are you bold enough to interfere? Whose life can you impact this week by finding out what they want and then be bold enough to cause them to do what they would not have done on their own? Commit to doing that. TAKEAWAY! Servant leadership requires caring enough to interfere, but doing so by giving what is wanted and needed not what we want to give. Action Step #1 Ask several business partners or members of your team what they want to achieve this week. Now commit yourself to actions that will "interfere" in their lives to support them to accomplish their goal. Yes, it's uncomfortable. You have to be more committed to what they want for themselves than what they think of you in the moment. You cannot lead people whose approval you need. This might be as simple as sitting with them until they make a certain call, forcing them to do a presentation when they don't feel they are ready for yet, or requiring an accountability call from the person each day after they have completed a challenging task. There are many ways you can interfere to cause powerful, productive action. Action Step #2 Find a seminar that will alter your path before you need to. This could be one of our trainings at Klemmer or another you're attracted to, but pick some training that will challenge and change your thinking. Rarely if ever does that happen without the influence of an outside force. Perhaps it's taking a trip to a third world country or to a really depressed neighborhood near you and being of service. (Note: Journal about any changes you notice in your life and work.) "None of us has gotten where we are solely by pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps. We got here because somebody . . . bent down and helped us."–Thurgood Marshall

You may have noticed in most fields of endeavor that the latest cutting-edge information or state-of-the-art breakthroughs often shift and change. Nowhere is this more evident than in the field of nutrition. A generation ago, we were told that eggs were bad for us and should be avoided at all cost. Today, many doctors and nutritionists say that eggs should be regularly consumed as a high-quality form of protein. You can go crazy trying to peer through the murky and mysterious information and advice. I had the privilege of interviewing the esteemed movie and TV actor Eddie Albert, and he may have had the best response to the shifting state of nutritional recommendations. When I arrived at Mr. Albert's home for the interview, he asked if I would like a cup of coffee while we were waiting for my crew to set up the lights, cameras, and equipment. When I told him I would enjoy having a cup of coffee with him, he handed me a laminated card and explained that he had been faithfully drinking two cups of coffee every morning for over 70 years, regardless of the constantly-shifting medical and nutritional advice on the merits or harmful aspects of caffeine. When he saw an article in the Los Angeles Times extolling the positive virtues of coffee, he cut it out, copied it, and had it laminated as the last word on the subject. More than a decade ago, business and success publications began presenting the value of multitasking. On the surface, it seemed obvious that if you could do two things at once, you could get twice as much done. Then recently, the opposing theory has emerged that multitasking makes us less productive and more prone to errors. As in most two-sided arguments, the truth lies somewhere in the middle. There are definitely times when multitasking is inefficient and even dangerous. The most recent statistics on texting while driving bear this out. On the other hand, as a daily consumer of high-speed audiobooks, I'm convinced that if you are performing a physical task such as exercising or mowing the lawn, you can listen to audiobooks and greatly increase your productivity. While you should never text and drive as it diverts your eyes from the road, you can listen to audiobooks while you drive and turn your daily commute into a classroom. Whether it's multitasking or consuming coffee, we should listen to all the advice we can but apply it judiciously. As you go through your day today, consider how multitasking might multiply your time. Today's the day!

We can create a crisis in our lives when we elevate certain purchases to the level of a status symbol. We need to judge ourselves based on our character, our achievements, and our legacy, not which items we buy. You are not your purchases. If we're going to create wealth, we must stop buying things we don't need, with money we don't have, to impress people who don't care. According to the American Automobile Dealer's Association, the average car payment in the United States today is $503 over 84 months. This is a staggering number when you realize people are borrowing tens of thousands of dollars to buy something that is going down in value. A recent nationwide survey revealed that 6.3 million Americans are at least three months late on their car payments.This is a bad sign for our economy and a worse sign for the families involved in these horrible transactions. If you were to take the same $503 a month and invest it throughout your working life in an average growth stock mutual fund or index fund, you would be a millionaire many times over. The true cost of borrowing money to buy an automobile can't just be calculated in the cost of the car, but you must add in depreciation and the value of the investments or opportunities you could have taken advantage of with the same monthly payment. I'm a multimillionaire today but spent the first decade of my adult life in poverty. I understand that, for many families today, buying an automobile is a daunting task; however, most car dealers, mechanics, and industry experts will tell you that you can buy a vehicle that will provide very reliable and dependable transportation for somewhere around 8 to 10 thousand dollars. I'm generally not in favor of anyone borrowing money to buy a car, but if that is your reality, try to follow these guidelines. Find a car that you can purchase with no more than three years of payments. Plan to drive that car for at least six years so that during the first three years, you make payments on the car loan, and then the next three years, you make payments to yourself. This creates an amount of cash equal to the value of your car so you can consider buying your next automobile without a loan. I realize this is not popular among average consumers, but I can assure you it is popular among self-made millionaires. Will Rogers may have said it best almost a century ago. "America will go down in history as the only nation on earth that will go to the poorhouse in an automobile." Cars are a tool to get us from one point to another. To the extent they do this reliably, dependably, and affordably, they are a valuable asset; but if you think a car is going to make people think you're wealthy, the joke's on you as the charade will keep you from accumulating true wealth and driving any car you want to in the future. As you go through your day today, make your car a tool of your success, not a tool of your bank's success. Today's the day!

The journey we call the work. This work doesn't cause us to not have feelings of guilt, shame or blame. It's not like you go through a training and instantly never make another bad decision in your life. What is amazing about this work is the fact that we have tools to express our feelings, change our sunglasses and move on; if we choose to. If any person on the planet I cannot think of anyone that is more deserving of that experience than our youth. Do you remember what is was like to be a tween? Like the entire world revolved around you? The feeling that if you had a pimple you couldn't even imagine to go to school because that would be the only thing anyone would notice all day? Our Playful Mastery and Youth Leadership Camp give our youth, our future leaders, the ability to process through all of their emotions. It won't mean that they will never have bad days, and it will mean that they are equips to deal with them. Has your rebound rate improved since your first class? Mine definitely has, and I can't imagine a more powerful tool than the ability to bounce back into my life at a rapid pace!

Once upon a time, there was an elderly, benevolent king who had served and led his people well for many years. As all good leaders do, the king was aware of his own mortality and was planning for the day he stepped down from the throne. As this king had no heir, the law of the land called for him to appoint the next king. When he knew the time was right, he called all of the elders and servants of the castle to the throne room and told them, “One year from today, I will end my reign as your king, and on that day I will appoint the new ruler of our land.” Gasps of surprise and murmurs of speculation could be heard throughout the throne room. The king waited until he had regained everyone’s attention and stated, “I am giving each of you one seed to plant and care for over the next year. One year from today, each of you will reconvene here in the throne room to show what harvest you have gleaned from the seed I am giving to you this day.” Each of the elders, in turn, took a seed from the sack that the king held before him. Then the servants came forward, and each received their seed. Among the last of the servants to approach the throne was a young footman named Phillip. He bowed respectfully, took a seed from the bag held by his king, and rapidly left the throne room. Phillip rushed home to his humble cottage that he shared with his young wife. Phillip showed his wife the seed he had received and told her of the king’s plan to select the next ruler. Phillip cleaned their best clay pot, filled it with the most fertile soil he could find, and lovingly planted the seed he had been given. Over the next weeks and months, Phillip and his wife lovingly watered and fertilized the seed, but alas, nothing seemed to be growing in the pot. While performing his duties in the castle, Phillip heard the other servants and elders bragging and boasting of the voluminous, colorful plants they were cultivating. Phillip and his wife were dejected, but they meticulously cared for the seed in the pot for the rest of the year. On the appointed day, all of the king’s elders and servants reconvened in the throne room to present their plants to the king and await his decision as to who would be his successor. The king commented on the lavish and healthy plants everyone had grown, and when it was Phillip’s turn to come forward, he was embarrassed to set before the king an empty pot. The other servants and elders laughed and jeered at Phillip’s obvious failure. The king stood and raised his hands for silence, then announced, “I am pleased to turn my throne and the leadership of our land over to my honorable and dedicated servant, Phillip.” Everyone gathered in the throne room stood in stunned silence until the king explained, “One year ago, I gave each of you a seed. All of the seeds had been boiled. They were dead and unable to produce any of the plants you have presented here today. Phillip deserves your allegiance and your honor as he has demonstrated the first and most important element of leadership: that of honesty and integrity.” As you go through your day today, plant honesty, and you will live happily ever after. Today’s the day!

Originally written by Brian Klemmer. Leaders operate from being responsible, even when they don't feel like it and it doesn't seem true A construction worker went to work every day with his black metal lunch pail under his arm. On Monday, he complained loudly about the peanut butter and jelly sandwich he had for lunch. His co-workers ignored his complaints, since it was his first day on the job. Tuesday at lunch this same worker was even louder about how much he hated peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. There were a few rumblings from his co-workers, but they let it slide. By Friday, after hearing him complain every day about PBJ sandwiches one of his co-workers yelled out, "Why don't you just get your wife to make you a tuna fish or Philly cheese steak sandwich or something else?" The man looked up with a puzzled look on his face and said, "My wife? I don't have a wife. I made this myself." What if the state of your business, your personal relationships, and your health were all simply a sandwich you made yourself? Leaders take the viewpoint that their choices create their experience, whether that is true or not. I submit that for most people, they are living a life of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich of their own creation. Of course, it doesn't look that way to them. That's because the decisions that are creating their life are unconscious decisions instead of conscious ones. It's what you don't know that trips you up or prevents you from producing the life you say you want. When was the last time you explored what unconscious decisions were affecting your life? What have you bought into as reality–such as what success really means–that is merely an unconscious decision? Is there a success you are currently enjoying you think is just a coincidence or a matter of chance or lucky timing? Explore the choices you made in setting any and all of that up. If you don't see how you create your success you will always be afraid of losing it because you won't know how to recreate it. Take one hour this week and invest it in exploring what unconscious decisions are affecting your life. TAKEAWAY! It is what you don't know that is stopping you. Every result in your life is a peanut butter sandwich you made for yourself. Action Step #1 Write down one result you have in your life currently that you do not like (the size of your bank balance, the state of a relationship, the condition of your car, etc.). Now, write down at least 10 choices you've made that set up that result; 10 thoughts, feelings, speaking or actions, which allowed that result to happen or flat out caused that result. Don't quit until you have all 10. Now, do this same exercise with one successful result you are enjoying today. If you don't see how you are making the great things happen you will not be able to recreate them. Pretend your choices were at cause even if you don't believe it or feel that it isn't true. Action Step #2 Do a seminar or hire a coach where you explore what decisions you have made about you that are unconscious. This is what our Personal Mastery seminar does or what a good coach can create for you. An Example An advanced graduate of ours (Curt) relayed a story that illustrated a peanut butter sandwich he made for himself. Curt was struggling along with mediocre success when he took our seminars. One of his insights was that during his attendance at the Air Force Academy, his flight team had been climbing a tower in a training exercise. One girl on his team slipped and fell–from 60 feet high! Although she didn't die, it was a traumatic incident that stayed with Curt. For years, Curt told me, he blamed the Air Force for accepting this woman into the Academy when it was obvious she lacked the standard physical requirements. He was holding that against them and he was holding that against himself as well. What he did not see until our seminars was that although everyone saw him as a leader, Curt did not trust himself. Curt had decided out of that incident that he couldn't trust himself. Until he saw that he just thought others believed in him falsely. What he did not know about his unconscious thinking was repeatedly holding him back from productively assuming a leadership role in anything, let alone his business. "One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes . . . and the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility." –Eleanor Roosevelt

If someone's intention doesn't match yours then you don't want to be doing business with them. Why? Mismatched intentions result in conflict. When the smallest obstacle arises, problems will occur, hindering performance. You can either find someone whose intention matches yours, or you can support someone in clarifying their intention. Let me give you an example. I once did a seminar and said to the participants, "Honestly rate your commitment to creating value today. A ten is a total commitment. Nine is pretty committed, but you are leaving a back door open just in case something big happens. A five is average commitment; you will swing either way depending on me, your feelings, etc. A rating of three or four means you are resistant to creating value. A rating of one would mean you are totally committed to not creating value, even if I walk on water." At the end of the day one man came up to me and said he got a lot out of the rating exercise. He went on to say that he realized he rated his commitment level at three because he felt he was forced to attend the training by his boss. He admitted that he gave himself a three just because he was being confrontational. But then he said to himself that he was a productive person and hated to waste time, so he simply made the decision to give himself a higher rating and that created more value for the day. I assisted him in clarifying his current intent and supported him in raising it. This is the job of any boss, owner, manager, supervisor, salesperson or head of household. In essence, the gentleman was in a state I call compliance. Compliance is a mind set of having to do something. Basically, your intention is just to complete the task. Commitment is where you choose to do something. Your intention is to produce a result. The experience of someone in a state of compliance is fatigue, apathy or resentment. The experience someone in a state of commitment is results, excitement and high energy. Compliance occurs with students attending school, those attending meetings and employees going to work — in general those who are following policies and going after goals handed down by those in authority over them. You can move yourself and others from a state of compliance to one of commitment toward an activity by emphasizing choice and benefits. That is essentially what I did with the seminar participant. Although I did not get him to see his choice in attending the seminar, I did get him to visualize his choice in his experience. For more on this subject read chapter two of If How-To's Were Enough We Would All Be Skinny, Rich and Happy.

Few things are more helpful in our quest for excellence than constructive feedback, and few things are more harmful than destructive feedback. The difference between constructive and destructive feedback is simply the relevance, intent, and demeanor of the individual offering the feedback. In our instantaneous, online, connected world, it is easy for anyone anywhere to give you feedback for any reason. I often think that some of the harmful comments people make in social media are done using words that those individuals would never use in a face-to-face conversation. Simply because constructive feedback is so valuable, and destructive feedback is so detrimental, we must learn to quickly separate the good from the bad so we can utilize positive feedback and flush everything else. As someone who has written over 40 books, eight of which have been turned in to movies, regularly appears on national radio and TV, speaks at arena events, and has written over 1,000 of these columns over the last 20 years, I get a lot of feedback. The vast majority of all the feedback I receive-in excess of 99 percent-is positive and encouraging, but the demeaning, destructive critics can be so vile and volatile that they almost demand attention. We must learn to turn up the volume on the good, and turn down the volume on the bad. When someone offers you a critique, you should first determine whether the critique is personal or professional. Everyone who buys one of my books, a movie ticket, reads these columns, or sits in the audience of one of my arena events is entitled to their opinion and can freely share their thoughts with me. If their opinion is valid and deals with my products or performance, they are providing me a great service, but if their opinion is directed at me personally, it can be harmful if not eliminated immediately. Once you have determined that the criticism is about your product or performance, you then need to honestly assess whether the criticism is valid. Someone may have a genuine, heartfelt criticism that is well intended but misses the mark. If this is the case, you must let it slide by as you focus on your positive feedback. Unless feedback is totally vile or profane, I thank everyone who reaches out to me for sharing their thoughts and opinions. If we are going to get better at what we do, there's no one more able to point us in the right direction than the people we serve. They should have easy and open access to expressing their thoughts. Those whose intentions are less positive or even destructive, need to have their volume turned down so we can ignore them. As you go through your day today, treasure constructive feedback, and get rid of the rest. Today's the day!

What do you think of when you hear the word resilience? People often ask what it is we do at Klemmer Seminars. What is Personal Mastery? Why should I attend? If you are anything like me this is not always the easiest question to answer. Personal Mastery is so different for every person that attends that it is sometimes difficult to describe all the benefits that one individual can expect to experience. We know it is a three-day experiential training designed for people to create a large amount of change in a short period of time in their lives. It is a way for people to discover subconscious belief systems they have that they are probably not aware are running them and making choices for them. I also believe there is another massive benefit to our training.  Mental Resilience. When something happens in your life that you believe shouldn’t be that way, how long does it take you to recover? How much space does a painful or awkward conversation occupy in your mind and in your heart? Do you allow moments or seasons like that to define who you are or your self-worth?  This happens in my life often in the seemingly little events that occur. For instance, if I have an encounter with my neighbor about the noise level in the hallway, how do I respond? Before I did any work in personal development I might have lost my temper. Now I tend to be grounded and centered. However, even after being grounded during the event I can easily slip into allowing my mind to seep into the event. What I should have said. What they should have said. How I wish I had been more bold or a better leader. Then maybe I try to justify my position and make them wrong. Perhaps I even enroll other people in my life to encourage me that I am right and justified in this circumstance. Guess what? When I am mentally resilient, none of that is relevant. An event which prior to today would have created a mental hamster wheel where my peace took a beating, is now a blip on my radar. It is my mental resiliency that creates such a quick rebound rate, that I actually regain time and energy that would have otherwise been wasted on a situation that was not worth my investment.  Resiliency comes into play in the day-to-day moments in life and it also is a huge part of how you respond to the big things that occur in your life. When potentially traumatic things happen… have you trained yourself to be resilient? Does your mind have the muscle it needs to respond in such a way that your self worth and self esteem is untouched? When there is gossip, you get fired from a job, divorce, bankruptcy, or even a pandemic do you have the tools you need to coach yourself through the process? How quickly can you rebound? Sometimes when you are in trying times it is multiple times a day when you are mentally tested and get to actively choose to stand in the face of adversity. That is what Klemmer training does. It gives you the tools to be mentally resilient. To appreciate the moments. To ground and center. To choose to see that you are in the driver's seat of your own life and that the world is your oyster regardless of circumstance. Are you training yourself to be resilient? What was the last thing you did to grow your muscle in resiliency? Maybe it was a book or a webinar. Maybe it is being back in a live experiential training. Whatever it is, this world deserves leaders like you. This world deserves compassionate samurai. Bold, ethical leaders who are committed to creating a world that works for everyone with no one left out.

Repost from a blog written by the late Brian Klemmer. Recently I spoke with a woman who divided her time between writing, painting, picture framing, helping others, learning German, as well as taking care of her house and spending time with her husband. No wonder she felt scattered, and in the process of going after so many interests, she'd become a jack-of-all-trades, but master of none. The problem was, this woman's life lacked focus. Focus is one of 10 traits discussed in my book, The Compassionate Samurai. It's the the ability to direct your attention, efforts, or activity at a desired direction or object without being distracted. If you've ever experimented with a magnifying glass and the sun, then you understand what that means. When the sun's energy is directed through a magnifying glass, it can burn a hole in a piece of paper. The same amount of energy is there without the glass, but the results are so different when that energy is focused through the glass. Lack of focus is a problem for a lot of us living in developed countries. On one hand it's a huge privilege to have the freedom to choose what we want to do with our lives, but that freedom also carries a cost. With the huge number of options available to us, the temptation is to get involved in so many things that we become like unfocused solar energy. How can you avoid that? Start with asking, "What is the point of my life? Why am I here?" You only have so many minutes in a day. Knowing the answers to these questions will help you decide how to spend your time. If an activity doesn't line up with your purpose, then you might want to think twice about taking part in it. Get rid of the good to get the best. There's such a variety of worthy ways to spend your time, but sometimes you have to say no to good things in order to get the best for your life. An example of this is a math teacher I heard about who was tops in her field. When she had her first daughter she decided to quit her job to stay home with her child. The district where she had worked missed her so much that the administrators offered her a part-time job for full pay, at the school of her choice. This was an offer that was hard to refuse. The teacher took the job. Several months into the new arrangement, however, the woman realized that even though there were many good things about this job, it wasn't the best for her life. She missed spending time with her baby, and the luxury of talking with her husband every night. At the end of the year, this teacher made the choice that lined up with her values; she decided not to renew her contract. The story doesn't end there, though. Eventually this teacher had two more daughters, but unfortunately developed breast cancer. Within 6 years this woman died. Had she not focused on what was most important to her, this family would not have had those 6 years of quality time together. That brings up a third point: live as if every day is your last. Doing so brings clarity about what is most important to you and helps you gain the red hot results you're after.

We often speak of releasing physical weight, and are we as diligent about releasing our wait? I was on a coaching call with a group of Champion’s out of New Hampshire, and said I was releasing weight. A beautiful friend of mine said that what she heard is that she gets to release her wait. I thought this was such a profound conversation. How many times do we sit in indecision, and use it as a great excuse to not get what it is we say we want. We turn our unknowingness into a great reason to not take action, and wait. What is it you are currently waiting on? Are you waiting to feel more confident? Maybe more educated? Maybe you are waiting for things to feel more stable before you are willing to take the next step. Are you waiting for the right time? Maybe you are waiting for permission? Whatever you are waiting on is keeping you from being closer to getting what it is you say you want. Are you more committed to your result or are you more committed to waiting? What I have come to learn is that the fastest way to acquire confidence is to begin taking action before you know what to do. Commit first and take action. Release your wait. Release the need to know what it is going to look like before you get started. Release overanalyzing all the potential outcomes before you begin. A good friend has continued to remind me of a quote from Dan Zadra, “Worry is a misuse of imagination.” Another root of procrastination that I experience a lot when coaching people is that they want things to be perfect. When perfection becomes the reason to procrastinate, there is a deeper belief system running that may or may not be serving you. I am not suggesting that you do not aim for excellence. However, after many years of being mentored by Kimberly Zink, I have learned from her that there is a big difference between aiming for excellence and aiming for perfection. When I am striving for perfection, I tend to be stunted in my progress and barely move. Or, I constantly feel like I am never enough because I cannot reach the illusion of perfection I have laid out for myself in my mind. However, when I aim for excellence, I am liberated to do my absolute best. I learned that when I set the bar of achievement really high and then give 100% of myself to a result or a process - this is more than enough. The majority of the time, when I implement this mindset I release my waiting and get started, and bounce much faster after mistakes than I ever do when my aim is perfection. Get as busy talking yourself into action, as you may have been talking yourself out of action. You will always move in the direction of your dominant thoughts, therefore choose wisely. If you find yourself in a set of sunglasses that are not moving your forward you have the capacity to shift the paradigm and try something new. Release the wait. Take action. Live in excellence. Watch your life flourish. We want others to judge us on our intentions, while we judge other people by their actions.