How do you take sixty to seventy high school guys with widely differing degrees of athletic ability and mold them into a winning football team? That's what Coach Doug Wilkins of Denville, New Jersey did for forty-four years, winning twenty-five consecutive seasons from 1985 through 2009, along with eight state championships. Coach Wilkins didn't start out that way, though. With a losing first season, he knew something needed to change. This is the first of three newsletters that reveal what Coach Wilkins discovered over the course of his career as a football coach, strategies for winning that can be applied to every area of our lives. To begin, Coach Wilkins realized he needed a vision. Did he want to build a winning team, or a lasting program? To Coach, a lasting program was permanent, while a winning team was merely temporary. He determined that he needed a plan to build a structure that would last, and so he set out to build the foundation for a program that would make, in his words, "the Brian Klemmers of this world." The foundation of Coach's program was commitment. While it would seem natural to look for talent, Coach took a different approach. It didn't matter how talented a player was, whether he was fast or slow, big or small, coordinated or not. Instead, what Wilkins looked for was how badly the student wanted to play. "Does he want it?" Coach Wilkins asked when he considered players. Wilkins set a 12 and 0 goal for each season, a standard so high that he knew he had to have kids who were willing to make the sacrifices necessary to be the best. They needed mental toughness combined with a relentless work ethic that applied not only to football, but their schoolwork, as well. When Coach raised the bar and the player was pushed beyond his comfort zone, he had to be able to reach inside and find the next gear. During games when Coach considered who he would play, he looked for kids whose attitudes and actions forced him to play them. This type of commitment wasn't for the short-term, either. Wilkins sold a four-year program to 9th graders. They had to be willing to work hard for four years as part of the team, even though it wasn't until they were seniors that they would be considered to start. Not only that, but each year, every player was reevaluated to see if he was still committed to a relentless work ethic. This is the kind of commitment that Coach Wilkins fondly remembers about Brian Klemmer. On one broiling September day, Brian showed up for practice in high-top shoes and developed severe blisters on his feet. Coach suggested that Brian take a couple of days off, but Brian surprised everyone the next day when he showed up wearing socks and no shoes. That is how Brian practiced until his feet healed. It's no wonder commitment is the 1st trait Brian discusses in his bestselling book, The Compassionate Samurai. As Coach Wilkins developed this football program, parents recognized that he presented life lessons that could reach far beyond their kids' high school years, into the rest of their lives, and they lined up to get their kids on his team. All of us can have winning lives, too. It doesn't begin with talent, but an attitude. Ask yourself how badly you want to achieve your goals, and consider commitment as the cornerstone for all you desire to achieve.

Once upon a time, there was an elderly, benevolent king who had served and led his people well for many years. As all good leaders do, the king was aware of his own mortality and was planning for the day he stepped down from the throne. As this king had no heir, the law of the land called for him to appoint the next king. When he knew the time was right, he called all of the elders and servants of the castle to the throne room and told them, “One year from today, I will end my reign as your king, and on that day I will appoint the new ruler of our land.” Gasps of surprise and murmurs of speculation could be heard throughout the throne room. The king waited until he had regained everyone’s attention and stated, “I am giving each of you one seed to plant and care for over the next year. One year from today, each of you will reconvene here in the throne room to show what harvest you have gleaned from the seed I am giving to you this day.” Each of the elders, in turn, took a seed from the sack that the king held before him. Then the servants came forward, and each received their seed. Among the last of the servants to approach the throne was a young footman named Phillip. He bowed respectfully, took a seed from the bag held by his king, and rapidly left the throne room. Phillip rushed home to his humble cottage that he shared with his young wife. Phillip showed his wife the seed he had received and told her of the king’s plan to select the next ruler. Phillip cleaned their best clay pot, filled it with the most fertile soil he could find, and lovingly planted the seed he had been given. Over the next weeks and months, Phillip and his wife lovingly watered and fertilized the seed, but alas, nothing seemed to be growing in the pot. While performing his duties in the castle, Phillip heard the other servants and elders bragging and boasting of the voluminous, colorful plants they were cultivating. Phillip and his wife were dejected, but they meticulously cared for the seed in the pot for the rest of the year. On the appointed day, all of the king’s elders and servants reconvened in the throne room to present their plants to the king and await his decision as to who would be his successor. The king commented on the lavish and healthy plants everyone had grown, and when it was Phillip’s turn to come forward, he was embarrassed to set before the king an empty pot. The other servants and elders laughed and jeered at Phillip’s obvious failure. The king stood and raised his hands for silence, then announced, “I am pleased to turn my throne and the leadership of our land over to my honorable and dedicated servant, Phillip.” Everyone gathered in the throne room stood in stunned silence until the king explained, “One year ago, I gave each of you a seed. All of the seeds had been boiled. They were dead and unable to produce any of the plants you have presented here today. Phillip deserves your allegiance and your honor as he has demonstrated the first and most important element of leadership: that of honesty and integrity.” As you go through your day today, plant honesty, and you will live happily ever after. Today’s the day!

The journey we call the work. This work doesn't cause us to not have feelings of guilt, shame or blame. It's not like you go through a training and instantly never make another bad decision in your life. What is amazing about this work is the fact that we have tools to express our feelings, change our sunglasses and move on; if we choose to. If any person on the planet I cannot think of anyone that is more deserving of that experience than our youth. Do you remember what is was like to be a tween? Like the entire world revolved around you? The feeling that if you had a pimple you couldn't even imagine to go to school because that would be the only thing anyone would notice all day? Our Playful Mastery and Youth Leadership Camp give our youth, our future leaders, the ability to process through all of their emotions. It won't mean that they will never have bad days, and it will mean that they are equips to deal with them. Has your rebound rate improved since your first class? Mine definitely has, and I can't imagine a more powerful tool than the ability to bounce back into my life at a rapid pace!

What do you think of when you hear the word resilience? People often ask what it is we do at Klemmer. What is Personal Mastery? Why should I attend? If you are anything like me this is not always the easiest question to answer. Personal Mastery is so different for every person that attends that it is sometimes difficult to describe all the benefits that one individual can expect to experience. We know it is a three-day experiential training designed for people to create a large amount of change in a short period of time in their lives. It is a way for people to discover subconscious belief systems they have that they are probably not aware are running them and making choices for them. I also believe there is another massive benefit to our training.  Mental Resilience. When something happens in your life that you believe shouldn’t be that way, how long does it take you to recover? How much space does a painful or awkward conversation occupy in your mind and in your heart? Do you allow moments or seasons like that to define who you are or your self-worth?  This happens in my life often in the seemingly little events that occur. For instance, if I have an encounter with my neighbor about the noise level in the hallway, how do I respond? Before I did any work in personal development I might have lost my temper. Now I tend to be grounded and centered. However, even after being grounded during the event I can easily slip into allowing my mind to seep into the event. What I should have said. What they should have said. How I wish I had been more bold or a better leader. Then maybe I try to justify my position and make them wrong. Perhaps I even enroll other people in my life to encourage me that I am right and justified in this circumstance. Guess what? When I am mentally resilient, none of that is relevant. An event which prior to today would have created a mental hamster wheel where my peace took a beating, is now a blip on my radar. It is my mental resiliency that creates such a quick rebound rate, that I actually regain time and energy that would have otherwise been wasted on a situation that was not worth my investment.  Resiliency comes into play in the day-to-day moments in life and it also is a huge part of how you respond to the big things that occur in your life. When potentially traumatic things happen…Have you trained yourself to be resilient? Does your mind have the muscle it needs to respond in such a way that your self worth and self esteem is untouched? When there is gossip, you get fired from a job, divorce, bankruptcy, or even a pandemic do you have the tools you need to coach yourself through the process? How quickly can you rebound? Sometimes when you are in trying times it is multiple times a day when you are mentally tested and get to actively choose to stand in the face of adversity. That is what Klemmer training does. It gives you the tools to be mentally resilient. To appreciate the moments. To ground and center. To choose to see that you are in the driver's seat of your own life and that the world is your oyster regardless of circumstance. Are you training yourself to be resilient? What was the last thing you did to grow your muscle in resiliency? Maybe it was a book or a webinar. Maybe it is being back in a live experiential training. Whatever it is, this world deserves leaders like you. This world deserves Compassionate Samurai. Bold, ethical leaders who are committed to creating a world that works for everyone with no one left out.

Repost from a blog written by the late Brian Klemmer. Recently I spoke with a woman who divided her time between writing, painting, picture framing, helping others, learning German, as well as taking care of her house and spending time with her husband. No wonder she felt scattered, and in the process of going after so many interests, she'd become a jack-of-all-trades, but master of none. The problem was, this woman's life lacked focus. Focus is one of 10 traits discussed in my book, The Compassionate Samurai. It's the the ability to direct your attention, efforts, or activity at a desired direction or object without being distracted. If you've ever experimented with a magnifying glass and the sun, then you understand what that means. When the sun's energy is directed through a magnifying glass, it can burn a hole in a piece of paper. The same amount of energy is there without the glass, but the results are so different when that energy is focused through the glass. Lack of focus is a problem for a lot of us living in developed countries. On one hand it's a huge privilege to have the freedom to choose what we want to do with our lives, but that freedom also carries a cost. With the huge number of options available to us, the temptation is to get involved in so many things that we become like unfocused solar energy. How can you avoid that? Start with asking, "What is the point of my life? Why am I here?" You only have so many minutes in a day. Knowing the answers to these questions will help you decide how to spend your time. If an activity doesn't line up with your purpose, then you might want to think twice about taking part in it. Get rid of the good to get the best. There's such a variety of worthy ways to spend your time, but sometimes you have to say no to good things in order to get the best for your life. An example of this is a math teacher I heard about who was tops in her field. When she had her first daughter she decided to quit her job to stay home with her child. The district where she had worked missed her so much that the administrators offered her a part-time job for full pay, at the school of her choice. This was an offer that was hard to refuse. The teacher took the job. Several months into the new arrangement, however, the woman realized that even though there were many good things about this job, it wasn't the best for her life. She missed spending time with her baby, and the luxury of talking with her husband every night. At the end of the year, this teacher made the choice that lined up with her values; she decided not to renew her contract. The story doesn't end there, though. Eventually this teacher had two more daughters, but unfortunately developed breast cancer. Within 6 years this woman died. Had she not focused on what was most important to her, this family would not have had those 6 years of quality time together. That brings up a third point: live as if every day is your last. Doing so brings clarity about what is most important to you and helps you gain the red hot results you're after.

If someone's intention doesn't match yours then you don't want to be doing business with them. Why? Mismatched intentions result in conflict. When the smallest obstacle arises, problems will occur, hindering performance. You can either find someone whose intention matches yours, or you can support someone in clarifying their intention. Let me give you an example. I once did a seminar and said to the participants, "Honestly rate your commitment to creating value today. A ten is a total commitment. Nine is pretty committed, but you are leaving a back door open just in case something big happens. A five is average commitment; you will swing either way depending on me, your feelings, etc. A rating of three or four means you are resistant to creating value. A rating of one would mean you are totally committed to not creating value, even if I walk on water." At the end of the day one man came up to me and said he got a lot out of the rating exercise. He went on to say that he realized he rated his commitment level at three because he felt he was forced to attend the training by his boss. He admitted that he gave himself a three just because he was being confrontational. But then he said to himself that he was a productive person and hated to waste time, so he simply made the decision to give himself a higher rating and that created more value for the day. I assisted him in clarifying his current intent and supported him in raising it. This is the job of any boss, owner, manager, supervisor, salesperson or head of household. In essence, the gentleman was in a state I call compliance. Compliance is a mind set of having to do something. Basically, your intention is just to complete the task. Commitment is where you choose to do something. Your intention is to produce a result. The experience of someone in a state of compliance is fatigue, apathy or resentment. The experience someone in a state of commitment is results, excitement and high energy. Compliance occurs with students attending school, those attending meetings and employees going to work — in general those who are following policies and going after goals handed down by those in authority over them. You can move yourself and others from a state of compliance to one of commitment toward an activity by emphasizing choice and benefits. That is essentially what I did with the seminar participant. Although I did not get him to see his choice in attending the seminar, I did get him to visualize his choice in his experience. For more on this subject read chapter two of If How-To's Were Enough We Would All Be Skinny, Rich and Happy.

At Klemmer, we believe that personal growth and leadership aren't about being perfect—they’re about being willing to make mistakes and learning from them. Many people hesitate to take risks because they fear failure, but the truth is, growth happens when we step out of our comfort zone and try something new. The willingness to make mistakes is a key element of success. If you wait for the perfect moment or feel like you need to know everything before starting, you might miss valuable opportunities. Mistakes teach us lessons that success alone cannot. They highlight areas for improvement, foster resilience, and build character. So, are you willing to embrace the possibility of making a mistake? Are you willing to look at mistakes as stepping stones toward achieving your goals? Mistakes are inevitable, but how we respond to them defines our leadership potential. Do you view mistakes as failures, or do you see them as opportunities for growth? The most effective leaders respond by: 1. Taking Ownership: Instead of placing blame, great leaders acknowledge their mistakes and take responsibility. This builds trust with others and accelerates personal growth. 2. Learning Quickly: Every mistake contains a lesson. Ask yourself: What can I learn from this? How can I improve for next time? Leaders who are quick to learn become more adaptable and creative. 3. Moving Forward: Dwelling on mistakes only holds us back. The best response is to take what you've learned and move forward with greater clarity and determination. At Klemmer, we challenge you to embrace your mistakes and use them as fuel for your journey. Making a mistake isn't the end, it's part of the process of becoming a stronger, more effective leader. Are you willing to take the leap?

Do you want to open up possibilities in your life? There are crucial differences between living out of possibility versus probability. Living from probability takes place when you look at what you are capable of and what you have done in the past. From this perspective, you calculate whether you think you can do something and whether you can get incremental, or minute, increases for your life. Living from possibility, on the other hand, is the experience of knowing that you can create incredible results or miracles in your life that have no relationship to what you've done before. When you live from possibility, your future is not tied to the mathematics of your previous experiences and how feasible it is to create something. Everyone has lived from possibility when they created something from nothing whether it was learning to ride a bike, falling in love, or writing a first book. In the case of writing a book, something inside said, "That's possible," when everyone around was saying, "I think you ought to get a nine-to-five job." There's an energy in possibility that's not evident in probability. How do you nurture possibility in your life? Take small steps toward your dreams all the time. Get outside of what you normally would do and be willing to be uncomfortable in new experiences. Be committed to and consistent with it; keep after it. Seeing progress from the steps you take, coupled with believing, creates results. In this sense, there's also a lot of surrender in possibility. This means doing the footwork you need to do, and then turning the rest over to God. You're not quite sure how it's going to happen, but that's not necessary. You only need to believe that it is going to happen. Another way to nurture possibility is to hang around with people who understand this way of life. If you're around people who inhabit the smaller, more calculated world of probability, it's possible to lose your vision or become discouraged. If you want your everyday experience to be, "WOW, this is really possible!" then practice the art of living from possibility. It's a huge, amazing space that creates an exciting and fulfilling life.

Any activity performed consistently over a long period of time can produce results. If you sit at a desk every day in a chair that has wheels or castors on it, you will travel, on average, eight miles each year while sitting at your desk. We all remember the famous story of the tortoise and the hare. While the hare is obviously faster, the tortoise wins the race based on consistency, not speed. We live in a microwave society, and unfortunately, oftentimes a crockpot effort is what success requires. Psychologists tell us that any activity you perform for 21 days in a row will become a habit. A habit is nothing more than an activity that you engage in with little or no conscious thought. For most of us, our morning routine of getting ready to go to work or school is based on a series of habits. If someone asks them, otherwise-intelligent people have to think about whether they brushed their teeth or not because they performed the task without even thinking about it. Great chefs often struggle to provide a set recipe when requested because so much of their process is done unconsciously as a habit. I believe that our attitude is the most important element of success; however, our attitude does not directly impact our results. It instead impacts our actions which, over time, become habits that, in turn, do, indeed, impact our success. I’m reminded of a story I call A Tale of Two Sisters. Anyone who regularly invests $10 a day in an Average Index Fund can become wealthy over a normal working life; however, starting the habit early is a critical element because time is your ally in success. Once upon a time, there were twin sisters who attended an investment seminar on their 18th birthday. The seminar leader encouraged everyone to start an investment plan for their retirement. Sister A got excited and began regularly investing while Sister B procrastinated, saying, “I’ve got decades before I retire.” On their 30th birthday, Sister A revealed to Sister B the impressive amount she had amassed over the last 12 years. Sister B finally got inspired and invested consistently from age 30 until she retired at age 65. Sister A lost her momentum and never invested again beyond her 30th birthday. At age 65, Sister B had invested for over 35 years while Sister A had only invested for 12 years. Both sisters had invested the same amount each month during the years they contributed to their retirement plans. Conventional wisdom would say that Sister B would have significantly more money; however, as often happens, conventional wisdom would be incorrect because Sister A was able to retire with significantly more money than her twin. Both sisters accumulated wealth by applying a habit regularly over a number of years, but Sister A added the secret sauce made up of getting started early. As you go through your day today, realize that to succeed you’ve got to form good habits and start now. Today’s the day!

In Brian Klemmer's book, The Compassionate Samurai, he addresses ways that you can become the person you want to be. If you visualized the ideal you, how would you look, feel, and behave? It can be helpful to write the details on paper. For instance, how much do you weigh, what is your waist size, what color clothes do you wear? Do you feel confident, joyful, energetic? As a parent, are you patient? As a spouse or partner are you loving and compassionate? Are you a thoughtful communicator? Be specific. Give yourself enough time to list as many characteristics as you can think of. This list may extend over several pages. When you're done, you will have what we call the impeccable eye, the ultimate you. The idea behind this exercise is that each of us visualizes 100 percent of the time. Everybody does it; there's no way around it. And what we visualize is what our lives will be like (to discover what our subconscious sees, all it takes is a look at the reality in our lives). The impeccable eye will give your mind something new to visualize, which will help you move in the direction you want to go. After completing your list, make copies and put the list in prominent places where you will be sure to see it — on the bathroom mirror, on top of the pile in your briefcase, in front of your kitchen sink. At least once a day, read your impeccable eye to reinforce that picture of the ideal you. Another thing you can do is print the impeccable eye onto one or more 3 X 5 cards, laminate them and carry them around in your pocket, purse or car. When you're standing in line at the bank or supermarket, or when you're stopped at a red light, pull out the cards and read them. Or, add the list to a "notepad" app on your smart phone. Again, each of us visualizes 100 percent of the time. Why not give your subconscious something constructive to focus on and move your life in the direction you want to go?

There are two ways to learn something; emotional involvement and repetition. At Klemmer and Associates we strive to create opportunities at our seminars where you can have an experience with emotional involvement to create a large amount of change in a short amount of time. Repetition is also an effective tool for change. Positive affirmations can be extremely effective. What do you tell yourself about you? Is your self-talk riddled with positive feedback, or overwhelmingly negative? What if you were to declare positive qualities about yourself, or a positive statement about who you are? Could that eventually shift the context of how you see yourself? State your declaration to yourself as many times a day as you can. Repeat it for five minutes in the shower every morning. Write it on an index card and stick it on the dashboard of your car. Post your statement in visible places where you will be reminded of how amazing you are. For some of you this could be one simple word. For others it could be a Bible verse that hits your heart. This week take the positive affirmation challenge!

Commitments do not exist within a vacuum. Brian Klemmer always said, “Context is everything.” It becomes easy to heighten the level of certain commitments when we have a high level of accountability in those areas. What is interesting is where we choose into that level of accountability. When I look at my life, I can evaluate how healthy I am in terms of my relationships with my word based on how I am treating my agreements. I begin to look at which agreements I am devaluing, underestimating, or breaking all together. I may be more willing to renegotiate those agreements or ask to cancel. When you look at your life, what do you view as a small agreement? Maybe you don’t believe there are big agreements or small agreements, yet based on results there are places you are much more likely to bend to circumstance or blur the lines. Who are the people you do this with? Friends? Family? Yourself? God? Why do you believe you treat your agreements that way with that person or people? What is fascinating to me is that it has always come true in my life; context is everything. This is a lesson I have been taught and trained by every incredible mentor I have worked with. The context of the way I treat my agreements does not exist in a vacuum. Without being able to explain it, the context I set in my life around how I treat my agreements in any and all areas affects any and all areas of my life as it is setting context around agreements in my life. Accountability simply puts a spotlight on our behavior. It yolks one person to another, raises the expectations they have of each other and thus raises their bar of behavior. What if you treated every agreement in your life as if it had a spotlight of accountability on it? Meaning, if you told yourself you were going to workout today, you did it, regardless of who else knew about that agreement you had with yourself. What if when you gave your word, towards anything, you gave it the tenacity towards accomplishment that you would give it if you were in a seminar room? Not feeling like you can do that alone? Not a problem! Find an accountability partner! Someone that you will hold accountable and they will hold you accountable to a high level! You want to play on a high performing team. Now, don’t just tell them about your goals (although that is important too) tell them about the things you haven’t been consistent on keeping your word on lately. Begin to retrain your agreement muscle in that area. Begin to change the evidence you are providing yourself around your word and how much it matters. Begin to see yourself as the compassionate samurai that you are; honest, trusting and committed. At the end of the day, you deserve to look in the mirror and know that you know you are a person of your word. You are that person! You can and you will! Believe in yourself long enough to show yourself that you are trustworthy and capable and experience the liberty that comes with being a person that is impeccable with your word.