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Give to Get Beyond Resentment and Revenge by Klemmer

There are times when open, honest communication and the use of code words and fair fighting may not work to get you out of the 3Rs. This can be the case when the person you feel resentment, resistance or revenge toward is not someone you can openly communicate with. When this is the case, consider giving as the solution to resolve the 3Rs in your life.

On pages 50-52 of Brian's first book, If How-To's Were Enough We Would All Be Skinny, Rich, & Happy there is a basic discussion of the importance of giving and the 3Rs. Let's follow that, now, with one example of how giving worked in Brian's life. When Brian left a company he used to work for, they owed him about $16,000 for flight fares and work he had completed as an independent contractor. The owner of the company said, "You're never going to see that money," and then she laughed and added, "Of course we'll pay it; we always pay our bills." The reality was, this company didn't always pay the bills and that was one of the reasons Brian had left in the first place. It was at this point that the resentment began to kick in for Brian. He had worked 18 years to build this multi-million dollar company and now they wouldn't pay him a measly 16 grand!

Brian realized that the owner was mad at him because, among other things, she was afraid that he was going to steal the whole company from her when he left. Every time Brian called to ask about the payment, her response was, "Oh, I've already taken care of that, I've talked to the accountant." The truth was, she wasn't going to pay him. Obviously, she was mad at him, and then he became angry. They were both in resistance! Finally -– it only took a year-and-a-half! –- Brian said to himself, "Oops, I'd better start practicing what I preach." Once Brian recognized that he was in the 3Rs, he realized that he needed to give to this woman. But what could he give her? He wrote the owner a letter and said that the $16,000 she owed was now a gift to her. Brian didn't do this to be some goody-two-shoes. Quite honestly, he figured he could make the money back quickly enough. But this situation was costing more than money. It took its toll on Brian creatively. It cost him time. He'd get off the phone with this company and complain to the people around him and that would mess up their creativity. So, when giving to this company freed him from resentment, it brought with it an explosion of energy and creativity -— to himself and the people he associated with.

This illustration shows how destructive the 3Rs can be, and how giving can free us from them. Through the use of giving -– along with the other tools of fair fighting and open, honest communication -– we can deal with the 3Rs and enhance the creativity in our lives.

How have you freed yourself from resentment, resistance, and revenge?

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